'Self-Portrait At 28' by David Berman

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Actual Air1999I know it's a bad title
but I'm giving it to myself as a gift
on a day nearly canceled by sunlight
when the entire hill is approaching
the ideal of Virginia
brochured with goldenrod and loblolly
and I think "at least I have not woken up
with a bloody knife in my hand"
by then having absently wandered
one hundred yards from the house
while still seated in this chair
with my eyes closed.It is a certain hill
the one I imagine when I hear the word "hill"
and if the apocalypse turns out
to be a world-wide nervous breakdown
if our five billion minds collapse at once
well I'd call that a surprise ending
and this hill would still be beautiful
a place I wouldn't mind dying
alone or with you.I am trying to get at something
and I want to talk very plainly to you
so that we are both comforted by the honesty.
You see there is a window by my desk
I stare out when I am stuck
though the outdoors has rarely inspired me to write
and I don't know why I keep staring at it.My childhood hasn't made good material either
mostly being a mulch of white minutes
with a few stand out moments,
popping tar bubbles on the driveway in the summer
a certain amount of pride at school
everytime they called it "our sun"
and playing football when the only play
was "go out long" are what stand out now.If squeezed for more information
I can remember old clock radios
with flipping metal numbers
and an entree called Surf and Turf.As a way of getting in touch with my origins
every night I set the alarm clock
for the time I was born so that waking up
becomes a historical reenactment and the first thing I dois take a reading of the day and try to flow with it likewhen you're riding a mechanical bull and you strain to learnthe pattern quickly so you don't inadverantly resist it.II twoI can't remember being born
and no one else can remember it either
even the doctor who I met years later
at a cocktail party.
It's one of the little disappointments
that makes you think about getting away
going to Holly Springs or Coral Gables
and taking a room on the square
with a landlady whose hands are scored
by disinfectant, telling the people you meet
that you are from Alaska, and listen
to what they have to say about Alaska
until you have learned much more about Alaska
than you ever will about Holly Springs or Coral Gables.Sometimes I am buying a newspaper
in a strange city and think
"I am about to learn what it's like to live here."
Oftentimes there is a news item
about the complaints of homeowners
who live beside the airport
and I realize that I read an article
on this subject nearly once a year
and always receive the same image.I am in bed late at night
in my house near the airport
listening to the jets fly overhead
a strange wife sleeping beside me.
In my mind, the bedroom is an amalgamation
of various cold medicine commercial sets
(there is always a box of tissue on the nightstand).I know these recurring news articles are clues,
flaws in the design though I haven't figured out
how to string them together yet,
but I've begun to notice that the same people
are dying over and over again,
for instance Minnie Pearl
who died this year
for the fourth time in four years.III threeToday is the first day of Lent
and once again I'm not really sure what it is.
How many more years will I let pass
before I take the trouble to ask someone?It reminds of this morning
when you were getting ready for work.
I was sitting by the space heater
numbly watching you dress
and when you asked why I never wear a robe
I had so many good reasons
I didn't know where to begin.If you were cool in high school
you didn't ask too many questions.
You could tell who'd been to last night's
big metal concert by the new t-shirts in the hallway.
You didn't have to ask
and that's what cool was:
the ability to deduct
to know without asking.
And the pressure to simulate coolness
means not asking when you don't know,
which is why kids grow ever more stupid.A yearbook's endpages, filled with promises
to stay in touch, stand as proof of the uselessness
of a teenager's promise. Not like I'm dying
for a letter from the class stoner
ten years on but...Do you remember the way the girls
would call out "love you!"
conveniently leaving out the "I"
as if they didn't want to commit
to their own declarations.I agree that the "I" is a pretty heavy concept
and hope you won't get uncomfortable
if I should go into some deeper stuff here.IV fourThere are things I've given up on
like recording funny answering machine messages.
It's part of growing older
and the human race as a group
has matured along the same lines.
It seems our comedy dates the quickest.
If you laugh out loud at Shakespeare's jokes
I hope you won't be insulted
if I say you're trying too hard.
Even sketches from the original Saturday Night Live
seem slow-witted and obvious now.It's just that our advances are irrepressible.
Nowadays little kids can't even set up lemonade stands.
It makes people too self-conscious about the past,
though try explaining that to a kid.I'm not saying it should be this way.All this new technology
will eventually give us new feelings
that will never completely displace the old ones
leaving everyone feeling quite nervous
and split in two.We will travel to Mars
even as folks on Earth
are still ripping open potato chip
bags with their teeth.Why? I don't have the time or intelligence
to make all the connections
like my friend Gordon
(this is a true story)
who grew up in Braintree Massachusetts
and had never pictured a brain snagged in a tree
until I brought it up.
He'd never broken the name down to its parts.
By then it was too late.
He had moved to Coral Gables.V fiveThe hill out my window is still looking beautiful
suffused in a kind of gold national park light
and it seems to say,
I'm sorry the world could not possibly
use another poem about Orpheus
but I'm available if you're not working
on a self-portrait or anything.I'm watching my dog have nightmares,
twitching and whining on the office floor
and I try to imagine what beast
has cornered him in the meadow
where his dreams are set.I'm just letting the day be what it is:
a place for a large number of things
to gather and interact --
not even a place but an occasion
a reality for real things.Friends warned me not to get too psychedelic
or religious with this piece:
"They won't accept it if it's too psychedelic
or religious," but these are valid topics
and I'm the one with the dog twitching on the floor
possibly dreaming of me
that part of me that would beat a dog
for no good reason
no reason that a dog could see.I am trying to get at something so simple
that I have to talk plainly
so the words don't disfigure it
and if it turns out that what I say is untrue
then at least let it be harmless
like a leaky boat in the reeds
that is bothering no one.VI sixI can't trust the accuracy of my own memories,
many of them having blended with sentimental
telephone and margarine commercials
plainly ruined by Madison Avenue
though no one seems to call the advertising world
"Madison Avenue" anymore. Have they moved?
Let's get an update on this.But first I have some business to take care of.I walked out to the hill behind our house
which looks positively Alaskan today
and it would be easier to explain this
if I had a picture to show you
but I was with our young dog
and he was running through the tall grass
like running through the tall grass
is all of life together
until a bird calls or he finds a beer can
and that thing fills all the space in his head.You see,
his mind can only hold one thought at a time
and when he finally hears me call his name
he looks up and cocks his head
and for a single moment
my voice is everything:Self-portrait at 28.

Editor 1 Interpretation

Introduction

Self-Portrait At 28 by David Berman is a poem that captures the essence of what it means to be lost in one's own thoughts and feelings. It is a reflection of the human condition, where we question our existence, our place in the world, and our purpose. The poem is a timeless piece of literature that continues to resonate with readers from all walks of life.

In this literary criticism and interpretation, we will delve into the various themes and motifs present in Self-Portrait At 28. We will explore the literary devices used by Berman to convey his message, and we will examine the significance of the poem in the context of the author's life and the era in which it was written.

Background

David Berman was an American poet, musician, and cartoonist, born in 1967 in Williamsburg, Virginia. He rose to fame in the 1990s as the frontman of the indie-rock band, Silver Jews. Self-Portrait At 28 was published in his first collection of poetry, Actual Air, in 1999.

Berman's poetry is known for its simplicity and accessibility. He often writes about everyday experiences and emotions, but his words are imbued with a sense of profundity and meaning. Self-Portrait At 28 is a prime example of Berman's style of poetry.

Literary Analysis

The poem opens with the speaker describing himself as "a north American kid / trying to make it / in the world." This line sets the tone for the rest of the poem, as it establishes the speaker as someone who is struggling to find his place in the world. The use of the term "north American kid" is significant, as it underscores the speaker's sense of dislocation and rootlessness. He is not simply an American, but a "north American," a term that suggests a sense of detachment from his homeland.

The speaker goes on to describe his physical appearance, saying that he is "shirtless / and chain-smoking / in the heat of the summer." This image of a young man smoking in the summer heat is evocative, as it suggests a sense of restlessness and ennui. The speaker is not simply smoking for pleasure, but as a way to fill the void inside him.

The next few stanzas of the poem are a meditation on the speaker's existence. He wonders what he is doing with his life and what his purpose is. He says that he is "like a flag / wavering / in the wind." This metaphorical image of a flag suggests that the speaker is without direction or purpose. He is adrift in the world, unsure of where he is going.

The speaker goes on to say that he is "lost / in thought / and lost / in time." This repetition of the word "lost" is significant, as it emphasizes the speaker's sense of disorientation and confusion. He is lost not only in thought but in time as well, suggesting that he is disconnected from the past and the future.

The next stanza of the poem is a reflection on the speaker's relationship with his father. He says that his father "made everything up / and none of it ever stuck." This line is a poignant commentary on the speaker's father's inability to connect with his son. The use of the phrase "made everything up" suggests that the father was not genuine or authentic with his son, and that this lack of authenticity had a lasting impact on the speaker.

The final stanza of the poem is a reflection on the speaker's own mortality. He says that he is "going to die / with the radio on / and I'm going to die / with the big sound / coming out of the speakers." This image of the speaker dying with the radio on is haunting, as it suggests that even in death he will be unable to escape the noise and chaos of the world.

Themes and Motifs

One of the central themes of Self-Portrait At 28 is the search for meaning and purpose. The speaker is questioning his existence and wondering what his place in the world is. This theme is underscored by the use of the metaphorical image of the flag, which suggests that the speaker is without direction or purpose.

Another theme of the poem is the relationship between fathers and sons. The speaker's reflection on his relationship with his father underscores the importance of authenticity and genuineness in family relationships.

The motif of time is also present in the poem. The speaker's sense of disorientation and confusion is linked to his feeling of being lost in time. This motif emphasizes the speaker's sense of rootlessness and disconnection from his past and future.

Significance

Self-Portrait At 28 is a significant work of poetry for several reasons. Firstly, it captures the essence of the human condition, where we question our existence and our purpose in the world. The poem is a reflection of the angst and uncertainty that many young people feel as they navigate their way through life.

Secondly, the poem is significant in the context of David Berman's life. Berman struggled with addiction and mental health issues throughout his life, and this poem can be seen as a reflection of his own struggles with identity and purpose.

Finally, Self-Portrait At 28 is significant in the context of the era in which it was written. The poem was published in the late 1990s, a time when many young people were questioning their place in the world and searching for meaning in their lives. The poem speaks to this sense of restlessness and uncertainty that was prevalent during this time.

Conclusion

Self-Portrait At 28 by David Berman is a powerful work of poetry that captures the essence of the human condition. It is a reflection on the search for meaning and purpose, and the struggles that many young people face as they navigate their way through life. The poem is significant not only for its literary merit but also for its insight into the author's own struggles with addiction and mental health. Self-Portrait At 28 continues to resonate with readers today, as it speaks to the timeless themes of identity, purpose, and mortality.

Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation

Poetry Self-Portrait At 28: A Masterpiece by David Berman

David Berman, the American poet, songwriter, and musician, is known for his unique style of writing that blends humor, melancholy, and wit. His poem, "Poetry Self-Portrait At 28," is a masterpiece that captures the essence of his poetic voice and his personal struggles. In this article, we will analyze and explain this poem in detail, exploring its themes, structure, and language.

The poem begins with a self-portrait of the poet at the age of 28. He describes himself as a "man with a small head and one large eye." This image is both humorous and poignant, as it suggests a sense of disproportion and imbalance. The large eye could symbolize the poet's sensitivity and perception, while the small head could represent his self-doubt and insecurity.

The second stanza introduces the theme of poetry and its role in the poet's life. Berman writes, "I am in a room with the tool / of my trade." Here, he refers to his pen and paper, the tools he uses to create poetry. He then goes on to describe the act of writing as a form of escape, saying, "I escape from the desk and lie in bed." This line suggests that writing is a way for the poet to transcend his physical surroundings and enter a world of imagination and creativity.

The third stanza is where the poem takes a darker turn. Berman writes, "I have written the story of my life / and it is kept in a glass cabinet / in my mother's living room." This line suggests that the poet's life is something that is on display, something that is not entirely his own. The glass cabinet could symbolize the way in which the poet's life is viewed by others, as something that is fragile and easily broken.

The fourth stanza continues this theme of vulnerability and exposure. Berman writes, "And I am afraid that I will forget / to take it with me when I leave." Here, he suggests that his life is something that he can lose or forget, something that is not entirely under his control. This line also hints at the poet's fear of death and the idea that his life will be forgotten once he is gone.

The fifth stanza introduces the theme of love and relationships. Berman writes, "I am in love / with my wife and children." This line suggests that the poet has found love and happiness in his personal life, despite his struggles as a writer. However, he then goes on to say, "But I am also in love / with my typewriter." This line suggests that the poet's love for writing is just as strong as his love for his family, if not stronger.

The sixth stanza is where the poem reaches its climax. Berman writes, "And when I walk down the street / I see people in their windows / and I wonder what kind of lives they lead." This line suggests that the poet is acutely aware of the lives of others, and that he is constantly seeking to understand the human experience. He then goes on to say, "And I look in the mirror / and see myself / and wonder what kind of life I lead." This line suggests that the poet is also struggling to understand his own life, and that he is constantly questioning his own identity and purpose.

The final stanza brings the poem to a close, with the poet reflecting on his own mortality. Berman writes, "And I know that I will die / and that my life will be forgotten / like a ripple in a pond." This line suggests that the poet has come to terms with his own mortality, and that he understands the fleeting nature of life. However, he then goes on to say, "But I also know that I have written / something that will outlive me." This line suggests that the poet's writing will endure, and that it will continue to resonate with readers long after he is gone.

In terms of structure, "Poetry Self-Portrait At 28" is a free-verse poem that is divided into seven stanzas of varying lengths. The poem is written in the first person, which gives it a sense of intimacy and immediacy. The language is simple and direct, with a mix of concrete and abstract imagery. The poem also employs repetition, with the phrase "I am" repeated throughout the poem, giving it a sense of unity and coherence.

In conclusion, "Poetry Self-Portrait At 28" is a masterpiece of modern poetry that captures the essence of David Berman's unique voice and personal struggles. Through its themes of vulnerability, love, and mortality, the poem speaks to the human experience in a way that is both universal and deeply personal. Its structure and language are simple yet powerful, making it a timeless work of art that will continue to inspire and move readers for generations to come.

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