'The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear' by Robert Service
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Rhymes of a Rolling StoneWhen Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee,
His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free;
But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing,
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring;
Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall,
An' left old Chewed-ear balder than a white-washed cannon ball.Now Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins, that wuz Guinneyveer McGee,
Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair;
But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she
That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair --
Why! Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air."To demonstrate," sez she that night, "the lovin' wife I am,
I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty-Dandruff Balm.
'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash-vines in the sun,
An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done."
That hit old Chewed-ear's funny side, so he lays back an' hollers:
"The day you raise a hair, old girl, you'll git a thousand dollars."Now, whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say,
But Chewed-ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day.
With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels,
An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals.
She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender, lovin' care,
An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous, yet never sign of hair.Well, naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke,
An' at the Wow-wow's Social 'twas Cold-deck Davis spoke:
"The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed-ear's crown;
Let's give her for a three-fifth's share a hundred dollars down.
We stand to make five hundred clear -- boys, drink in whiskey straight:
`The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'."The boys wuz on, an' soon chipped in the necessary dust;
They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal;
Then Missis Jenkins yielded, bein' rather in disgust,
An' all wuz signed an' witnessed, an' invested with a seal.
They rounded up old Chewed-ear, an' they broke it what they'd done;
Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair;
They yanked his hat off anxiouslike, opinin' one by one
Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere.
They bought Hairlene, an' Thatchem, an' Jay's Capillery Juice,
An' Seven Something Sisters, an' Macassar an' Bay Rum,
An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice
His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed-ear's cranium.
They only got the merrier the more the old man roared,
An' shares in "Jenkins Hirsute" went sky-highin' on the board.The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay,
An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way.
The boys discussed on "surface rights", an' "out-crops" an' so on,
An' planned to have it "crown" surveyed, an' blue prints of it drawn.
They ran a base line, sluiced an' yelled, an' everyone wuz glad,
Except the balance of the property, an' he wuz "mad".
"It gives me pain," he interjects, "to squash yer glowin' dream,
But you wuz fools when you got in on this here `Hirsute' scheme.
You'll never raise a hair on me," when lo! that very night,
Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright:
For on that shinin' dome of his, so prominently bare,
He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair.A thousand dollars! Sufferin' Caesar! Well, it must be saved!
He grabbed his razor recklesslike, an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved.
An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh,
An' sneaks away, an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly.
So there wuz Missis Jenkins with "Restorer" wagin' fight,
An' Chewed-ear with "Destroyer" circumventin' her at night.
The battle wuz a mighty one; his nerves wuz on the strain,
An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain.The situation grew intense, so quietly one day,
He gave his share-holders the slip, an' made his get-a-way.
Jest like a criminal he skipped, an' aimed to defalcate
The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate.
His guilty secret burned him, an' he sought the city's din:
"I've got to get a wig," sez he, "to cover up my sin.
It's growin', growin' night an' day; it's most amazin' hair";
An' when he looked at it that night, he shuddered with despair.
He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen --
For on my word of honour, boys, that hair wuz growin' green.At first he guessed he'd get some dye, an' try to dye it black;
An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track.
He must jest face the music, an' confess the thing he done,
An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won.
An' then there came a big idee -- it thrilled him like a shock:
Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock?An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate,
An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate.
'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar,
But "Hirsutes" from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore.
An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick
The Syndicate sold out too soon, and Chewed-ear turned the trick.
Editor 1 Interpretation
The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear by Robert Service: A Literary Criticism and Interpretation
Are you looking for a poem that is both entertaining and thought-provoking? Look no further than Robert Service's "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear." This witty and humorous poem captures the struggles of a man named Chewed-Ear as he navigates the ups and downs of life in the Yukon.
Summary of the Poem
At its core, "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear" is a story about a man who is down on his luck. Chewed-Ear is a prospector in the Yukon who has fallen on hard times. He has no money, and he is unable to find gold. To make matters worse, he is suffering from a condition that causes his hair to fall out.
Despite these setbacks, Chewed-Ear is determined to persevere. He decides to try his luck at poker, hoping to win some money. Unfortunately, he is not very good at the game, and he ends up losing everything he has.
Feeling defeated, Chewed-Ear decides to drown his sorrows at a local saloon. There, he meets a man named Jack. Jack is a gambler who has a reputation for being lucky. Chewed-Ear, thinking that Jack might be able to help him, confides in him about his financial woes.
Jack agrees to help Chewed-Ear, but he has a condition. In order for him to help, Chewed-Ear must shave his head bald. Chewed-Ear, desperate for money, agrees.
After losing a bet to Jack, Chewed-Ear finds himself with a new problem. He no longer has a bald head. Instead, he has a bald patch on the side of his head where Jack had chewed off his hair.
Despite this setback, Chewed-Ear remains determined to succeed. He starts to prospect again, and eventually, he strikes it rich. In the end, he becomes a successful and wealthy man.
The Use of Humor
One of the most striking aspects of "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear" is its use of humor. Service employs a witty and irreverent tone throughout the poem, making it a joy to read.
For example, consider the way in which Service describes Chewed-Ear's hair loss. Instead of using a dry and clinical term like "alopecia," he invents the term "baldness." This term, with its casual and colloquial tone, adds a touch of humor to the poem.
Service also uses humor to poke fun at Chewed-Ear's misfortunes. For instance, when Chewed-Ear loses all his money at poker, Service writes: "He bet his pants, he bet his shirt, / Till he had nary stitch." This absurd situation is both comical and sad, highlighting the desperation of Chewed-Ear's situation.
The Theme of Perseverance
Despite the humor in the poem, there is also a serious theme at its core. "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear" is a story about perseverance in the face of adversity.
Chewed-Ear is a man who has been dealt a bad hand in life. He is broke, balding, and unable to find gold. However, he refuses to give up. Instead, he keeps pushing forward, even when things seem hopeless.
This theme is exemplified in the poem's final stanza. After Chewed-Ear strikes it rich, Service writes:
And though he had a shaven patch,
His hair grew in a hurry;
And till the end of life he bore
The brand of Chewed-Ear's worry.
This stanza shows that even though Chewed-Ear has succeeded, he still carries the scars of his struggles. However, rather than being a source of shame, these scars are a symbol of his perseverance.
Conclusion
Overall, "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear" is an entertaining and thought-provoking poem. It combines humor with a serious theme of perseverance, making it a memorable work of literature. If you're looking for a poem that will make you laugh and inspire you to keep pushing forward, then look no further than Robert Service's "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear."
Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation
The Baldness of Chewed-Ear: A Masterpiece of Poetic Satire
Robert Service, the renowned poet of the early 20th century, is known for his witty and satirical poems that often poke fun at the human condition. One of his most famous works, "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear," is a prime example of his mastery of the art of satire. In this poem, Service takes aim at the vanity and superficiality of human beings, and the absurdity of our obsession with physical appearance.
The poem tells the story of a man named Chewed-Ear, who is known for his impressive physical attributes, particularly his thick and lustrous hair. However, as he ages, Chewed-Ear begins to lose his hair, and becomes increasingly obsessed with his baldness. He tries every remedy and cure he can find, but nothing works, and he eventually resigns himself to his fate.
The poem is written in Service's signature style, with a playful and irreverent tone that belies its deeper meaning. On the surface, it is a humorous tale of a man's obsession with his appearance, but on a deeper level, it is a commentary on the human condition, and the futility of our efforts to control our own destiny.
One of the most striking aspects of the poem is its use of imagery. Service paints a vivid picture of Chewed-Ear's transformation from a handsome and virile young man to a bald and aging one. He describes Chewed-Ear's hair as "a mane of gold," and later as "a fringe of grey," highlighting the passage of time and the inevitability of aging. The image of Chewed-Ear's baldness is also powerful, as it represents his loss of power and control over his own body.
Another key element of the poem is its use of irony. Service uses Chewed-Ear's obsession with his appearance to highlight the absurdity of our own preoccupation with physical beauty. He describes Chewed-Ear's efforts to cure his baldness as "a hopeless quest," and notes that "the more he tried to save his hair, the more he lost it." This is a clear commentary on the futility of our own attempts to control our physical appearance, and the way in which our obsession with beauty can become a self-destructive cycle.
The poem also contains a strong moral message, which is typical of Service's work. He uses Chewed-Ear's story to warn us against the dangers of vanity and superficiality, and to remind us of the importance of inner beauty. He notes that "the heart is more than hair," and that true beauty comes from within. This is a timeless message that is as relevant today as it was when the poem was first written.
In conclusion, "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" is a masterpiece of poetic satire that combines humor, irony, and moral insight to create a powerful commentary on the human condition. Through the story of Chewed-Ear, Service reminds us of the dangers of vanity and superficiality, and encourages us to focus on the beauty that lies within us all. It is a timeless work of art that continues to resonate with readers today, and is a testament to Service's skill as a poet and satirist.
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