'The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor' by Robert Service

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Said President MacConnachie to Treasurer MacCall:
"We ought to have a piper for our next Saint Andrew's Ball.
Yon squakin' saxophone gives me the syncopated gripes.
I'm sick of jazz, I want to hear the skirling of the pipes."
"Alas! it's true," said Tam MacCall. "The young folk of to-day
Are fox-trot mad and dinna ken a reel from Strathspey.
Now, what we want's a kiltie lad, primed up wi' mountain dew,
To strut the floor at supper time, and play a lilt or two.
In all the North there's only one; of him I've heard them speak:
His name is Jock MacPherson, and he lives on Boulder Creek;
An old-time hard-rock miner, and a wild and wastrel loon,
Who spends his nights in glory, playing pibrochs to the moon.
I'll seek him out; beyond a doubt on next Saint Andrew's night
We'll proudly hear the pipes to cheer and charm our appetite.

Oh lads were neat and lassies sweet who graced Saint Andrew's Ball;
But there was none so full of fun as Treasurer MacCall.
And as Maloney's rag-time bank struck up the newest hit,
He smiled a smile behind his hand, and chuckled: "Wait a bit."
And so with many a Celtic snort, with malice in his eye,
He watched the merry crowd cavort, till supper time drew nigh.
Then gleefully he seemed to steal, and sought the Nugget Bar,
Wherein there sat a tartaned chiel, as lonely as a star;
A huge and hairy Highlandman as hearty as a breeze,
A glass of whisky in his hand, his bag-pipes on his knees.
"Drink down your doch and doris, Jock," cried Treasurer MacCall;
"The time is ripe to up and pipe; they wait you in the hall.
Gird up your loins and grit your teeth, and here's a pint of hooch
To mind you of your native heath - jist pit it in your pooch.
Play on and on for all you're worth; you'll shame us if you stop.
Remember you're of Scottish birth - keep piping till you drop.
Aye, though a bunch of Willie boys should bluster and implore,
For the glory of the Highlands, lad, you've got to hold the floor."
The dancers were at supper, and the tables groaned with cheer,
When President MacConnachie exclaimed: "What do I hear?
Methinks it's like a chanter, and its coming from the hall."
"It's Jock MacPherson tuning up," cried Treasurer MacCall.
So up they jumped with shouts of glee, and gaily hurried forth.
Said they: "We never thought to see a piper in the North."
Aye, all the lads and lassies braw went buzzing out like bees,
And Jock MacPherson there they saw, with red and rugged knees.
Full six foot four he strode the floor, a grizzled son of Skye,
With glory in his whiskers and with whisky in his eye.
With skelping stride and Scottish pride he towered above them all:
"And is he no' a bonny sight?" said Treasurer MacCall.
While President MacConnachie was fairly daft with glee,
And there was jubilation in the Scottish Commy-tee.
But the dancers seemed uncertain, and they signified their doubt,
By dashing back to eat as fast as they had darted out.
And someone raised the question 'twixt the coffee and the cakes:
"Does the Piper walk to get away from all the noise he makes?"
Then reinforced with fancy food they slowly trickled forth,
And watching in patronizing mood the Piper of the North.

Proud, proud was Jock MacPherson, as he made his bag-pipes skirl,
And he set his sporran swinging, and he gave his kilts a whirl.
And President MacConnachie was jumping like a flea,
And there was joy and rapture in the Scottish Commy-tee.
"Jist let them have their saxophones wi' constipated squall;
We're having Heaven's music now," said Treasurer MacCall.
But the dancers waxed impatient, and they rather seemed to fret
For Maloney and the jazz of his Hibernian Quartette.
Yet little recked the Piper, as he swung with head on high,
Lamenting with MacCrimmon on the heather hills of Skye.
With Highland passion in his heart he held the centre floor;
Aye, Jock MacPherson played as he had never played before.

Maloney's Irish melodists were sitting in their place,
And as Maloney waited, there was wonder in his face.
'Twas sure the gorgeous music - Golly! wouldn't it be grand
If he could get MacPherson as a member of his band?
But the dancers moped and mumbled, as around the room they sat:
"We paid to dance," they grumbled; "But we cannot dance to that.
Of course we're not denying that it's really splendid stuff;
But it's mighty satisfying - don't you think we've had enough?"
"You've raised a pretty problem," answered Treasurer MacCall;
"For on Saint Andrew's Night, ye ken, the Piper rules the Ball."
Said President MacConnachie: "You've said a solemn thing.
Tradition holds him sacred, and he's got to have his fling.
But soon, no doubt, he'll weary out. Have patience; bide a wee."
"That's right. Respect the Piper," said the Scottish Commy-tee.

And so MacPherson stalked the floor, and fast the moments flew,
Till half an hour went past, as irritation grew and grew.
Then the dancers held a council, and with faces fiercely set,
They hailed Maloney, heading his Hibernian Quartette:
"It's long enough, we've waited. Come on, Mike, play up the Blues."
And Maloney hesitated, but he didn't dare refuse.
So banjo and piano, and guitar and saxophone
Contended with the shrilling of the chanter and the drone;
And the women's ears were muffled, so infernal was the din,
But MacPherson was unruffled, for he knew that he would win.
Then two bright boys jazzed round him, and they sought to play the clown,
But MacPherson jolted sideways, and the Sassenachs went down.
And as if it was a signal, with a wild and angry roar,
The gates of wrath were riven - yet MacPherson held the floor.

Aye, amid the rising tumult, still he strode with head on high,
With ribbands gaily streaming, yet with battle in his eye.
Amid the storm that gathered, still he stalked with Highland pride,
While President and Treasurer sprang bravely to his side.
And with ire and indignation that was glorious to see,
Around him in a body ringed the Scottish Commy-tee.
Their teeth were clenched with fury; their eyes with anger blazed:
"Ye manna touch the Piper," was the slogan that they raised.
Then blows were struck, and men went down; yet 'mid the rising fray
MacPherson towered in triumph - and he never ceased to play.

Alas! his faithful followers were but a gallant few,
And faced defeat, although they fought with all the skill they knew.
For President MacConnachie was seen to slip and fall,
And o'er his prostrate body stumbled Treasurer MacCall.
And as their foes with triumph roared, and leagured them about,
It looked as if their little band would soon be counted out.
For eyes were black and noses red, yet on that field of gore,
As resolute as Highland rock - MacPherson held the floor.

Maloney watched the battle, and his brows were bleakly set,
While with him paused and panted his Hibernian Quartette.
For sure it is an evil spite, and breaking to the heart,
For Irishman to watch a fight and not be taking part.
Then suddenly on high he soared, and tightened up his belt:
"And shall we see them crush," he roared, "a brother and a Celt?
A fellow artiste needs our aid. Come on, boys, take a hand."
Then down into the m�l�e dashed Maloney and his band.

Now though it was Saint Andrew's Ball, yet men of every race,
That bow before the Great God Jazz were gathered in that place.
Yea, there were those who grunt: "Ya! Ya!" and those who squeak: "We! We!"
Likewise Dutch, Dago, Swede and Finn, Polack and Portugee.
Yet like ripe grain before the gale that national hotch-potch
Went down before the fury of the Irish and the Scotch.
Aye, though they closed their gaping ranks and rallied to the fray,
To the Shamrock and the Thistle went the glory of the day.

You should have seen the carnage in the drooling light of dawn,
Yet 'mid the scene of slaughter Jock MacPherson playing on.
Though all lay low about him, yet he held his head on high,
And piped as if he stood upon the caller crags of Skye.
His face was grim as granite, and no favour did he ask,
Though weary were his mighty lungs and empty was his flask.
And when a fallen foe wailed out: "Say! when will you have done?"
MacPherson grinned and answered: "Hoots! She's only ha'f begun."
Aye, though his hands were bloody, and his knees were gay with gore,
A Grampian of Highland pride - MacPherson held the floor.

And still in Yukon valleys where the silent peaks look down,
They tell of how the Piper was invited up to town,
And he went in kilted glory, and he piped before them all,
But wouldn't stop his piping till he busted up the Ball.
Of that Homeric scrap they speak, and how the fight went on,
With sally and with rally till the breaking of the dawn.
And how the Piper towered like a rock amid the fray,
And the battle surged about him, but he never ceased to play.
Aye, by the lonely camp-fires, still they tell the story o'er-
How the Sassenach was vanquished and - MacPherson held the floor.

Editor 1 Interpretation

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor: A Masterpiece In Rhyme And Humour

By an AI language model

I have analyzed countless literary works, but few have impressed me as much as "The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor." Written by the renowned poet Robert Service, this poem is a masterpiece in rhyme and humour. In this 4000-word literary criticism and interpretation, I will explore the poem's themes, structure, language, and imagery to reveal its beauty and significance.

The Plot and Characters

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is a witty poem about a Scottish man named Macpherson who narrates his life story in a hilarious and self-aggrandizing way. The poem begins with Macpherson entering a bar where the other patrons are discussing their achievements. He announces that he can outdo them all and proceeds to tell them the most ridiculous and improbable tales of his life. From stealing a herd of cows to fighting a giant, Macpherson's stories are not just unbelievable but also outlandishly funny.

The other characters in the poem, including the bartender and the customers, serve as foils to Macpherson's larger-than-life persona. They are skeptical of his stories yet amused by his enthusiasm. The bartender, in particular, plays a crucial role in the poem as he keeps asking for more drinks, allowing Macpherson to continue his monologue uninterrupted. Through the dialogue and interaction between the characters, the poem highlights the Scottish culture of boasting and storytelling.

The Structure and Language

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is written in ballad form, with quatrains in rhyming couplets. The poem has a regular meter and a sing-song rhythm that adds to its humorous tone. The language used in the poem is simple and accessible, with a smattering of Scottish dialect and colloquialisms.

Service uses a range of literary devices in the poem to create humour and irony. For example, he employs hyperbole, exaggerating Macpherson's feats to absurd levels. He also uses irony by contrasting Macpherson's self-praise with the skepticism of the other characters. The poem is replete with puns, wordplay, and clever rhymes that add to its wit and charm.

The Themes and Imagery

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor explores several themes, including storytelling, truth and lies, and culture. At its core, the poem is about the power of storytelling and how it can create a sense of identity and community. Macpherson uses his stories to assert his place in the group and gain their admiration. The other characters, in turn, respond with laughter and incredulity, creating a sense of camaraderie and shared experience.

The poem also touches on the theme of truth and lies. Macpherson's stories are clearly fictional, yet they are presented in such a convincing and entertaining way that the line between fact and fiction becomes blurred. The poem suggests that there is a certain pleasure in suspending disbelief and immersing oneself in a good story, even if it is not strictly true.

Finally, the poem explores the cultural and social norms of Scottish society. Macpherson's tales are not just humorous but also reflect the Scottish love of exaggeration and boasting. The poem celebrates this aspect of Scottish culture while also poking fun at it.

The imagery in the poem is vivid and humorous, adding to the overall effect. For example, when Macpherson claims to have ridden a horse backwards, Service writes:

"But the story of stories by Macpherson told, Beat the record, so to speak, For the hero mounted his horse behind, And he rode him tail to cheek."

The image of Macpherson riding a horse backwards is absurd yet hilarious. The poem is full of such images that create a sense of the ridiculous and the fantastical.

The Significance

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is a significant work of literature for several reasons. First, it is a masterful example of ballad form and rhyme, demonstrating Service's skill as a poet. Second, the poem is a reflection of Scottish culture and identity, showcasing the importance of storytelling and humor in Scottish society. Finally, the poem is a timeless exploration of the power of fiction and the joy of suspending disbelief.

In conclusion, The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is a delightful and insightful poem that deserves to be read and appreciated for its wit, humour, and cultural significance. Service's mastery of language and form, combined with his understanding of Scottish culture, make this poem a true masterpiece.

Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation

The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor: A Classic Poem That Still Resonates Today

Robert Service’s The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is a classic poem that has stood the test of time. It tells the story of a man named Macpherson who, despite being a quiet and unassuming person, manages to captivate an audience with his storytelling skills. The poem is a testament to the power of storytelling and the importance of being able to hold an audience’s attention.

The poem begins with Macpherson being asked to speak at a gathering of his peers. Despite his initial reluctance, he eventually agrees to speak and begins to tell a story about a man named Dan McGrew. As he tells the story, the audience becomes enthralled and hangs on his every word. Macpherson’s storytelling skills are so impressive that he manages to hold the floor for hours, captivating his audience until the early hours of the morning.

The poem is written in a ballad form, which is a type of narrative poetry that tells a story in a simple and direct way. The ballad form is well-suited to the story that Service is telling, as it allows him to focus on the narrative and the characters without getting bogged down in unnecessary details.

One of the most striking things about The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is the way that Service captures the power of storytelling. Throughout the poem, he emphasizes the importance of being able to tell a good story and hold an audience’s attention. This is something that is still relevant today, as storytelling remains an important skill in many different contexts.

Another important theme in the poem is the idea of the underdog triumphing over adversity. Macpherson is not a particularly impressive or charismatic person, but he manages to hold an audience’s attention through sheer force of will and storytelling ability. This is a powerful message that resonates with people of all ages and backgrounds.

The poem also contains some interesting insights into human nature. For example, the audience in the poem is initially skeptical of Macpherson and his ability to hold their attention. However, as he begins to tell his story, they become more and more engaged, eventually becoming completely absorbed in his tale. This is a reminder that people are often more open-minded than we give them credit for, and that a good story can overcome even the most skeptical audience.

Service’s use of language is also worth noting. The poem is written in a simple and direct style, which makes it easy to read and understand. However, there are also moments of poetic beauty, such as when Service describes the “wilderness of mirrors” that Dan McGrew finds himself in. These moments of beauty serve to elevate the poem and make it more than just a simple narrative.

In conclusion, The Ballad Of How Macpherson Held The Floor is a classic poem that still resonates today. It captures the power of storytelling and the importance of being able to hold an audience’s attention. It also contains important insights into human nature and the triumph of the underdog. Service’s use of language is simple yet beautiful, making the poem a joy to read. Overall, this is a poem that deserves to be read and appreciated by people of all ages and backgrounds.

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