'The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear' by Robert Service


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When Chewed-ear Jenkins got hitched up to Guinneyveer McGee,
His flowin' locks, ye recollect, wuz frivolous an' free;
But in old Hymen's jack-pot, it's a most amazin' thing,
Them flowin' locks jest disappeared like snow-balls in the Spring;
Jest seemed to wilt an' fade away like dead leaves in the Fall,
An' left old Chewed-ear balder than a white-washed cannon ball.

Now Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins, that wuz Guinneyveer McGee,
Wuz jest about as fine a draw as ever made a pair;
But when the boys got joshin' an' suggested it was she
That must be inflooenshul for the old man's slump in hair --
Why! Missis Chewed-ear Jenkins jest went clean up in the air.

"To demonstrate," sez she that night, "the lovin' wife I am,
I've bought a dozen bottles of Bink's Anty-Dandruff Balm.
'Twill make yer hair jest sprout an' curl like squash-vines in the sun,
An' I'm propose to sling it on till every drop is done."
That hit old Chewed-ear's funny side, so he lays back an' hollers:
"The day you raise a hair, old girl, you'll git a thousand dollars."

Now, whether 'twas the prize or not 'tis mighty hard to say,
But Chewed-ear didn't seem to have much comfort from that day.
With bottles of that dandruff dope she followed at his heels,
An' sprinkled an' massaged him even when he ate his meals.
She waked him from his beauty sleep with tender, lovin' care,
An' rubbed an' scrubbed assiduous, yet never sign of hair.

Well, naturally all the boys soon tumbled to the joke,
An' at the Wow-wow's Social 'twas Cold-deck Davis spoke:
"The little woman's working mighty hard on Chewed-ear's crown;
Let's give her for a three-fifth's share a hundred dollars down.
We stand to make five hundred clear -- boys, drink in whiskey straight:
`The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate'."

The boys wuz on, an' soon chipped in the necessary dust;
They primed up a committy to negotiate the deal;
Then Missis Jenkins yielded, bein' rather in disgust,
An' all wuz signed an' witnessed, an' invested with a seal.
They rounded up old Chewed-ear, an' they broke it what they'd done;
Allowed they'd bought an interest in his chance of raisin' hair;
They yanked his hat off anxiouslike, opinin' one by one
Their magnifyin' glasses showed fine prospects everywhere.
They bought Hairlene, an' Thatchem, an' Jay's Capillery Juice,
An' Seven Something Sisters, an' Macassar an' Bay Rum,
An' everyone insisted on his speshul right to sluice
His speshul line of lotion onto Chewed-ear's cranium.
They only got the merrier the more the old man roared,
An' shares in "Jenkins Hirsute" went sky-highin' on the board.

The Syndicate wuz hopeful that they'd demonstrate the pay,
An' Missis Jenkins laboured in her perseverin' way.
The boys discussed on "surface rights", an' "out-crops" an' so on,
An' planned to have it "crown" surveyed, an' blue prints of it drawn.
They ran a base line, sluiced an' yelled, an' everyone wuz glad,
Except the balance of the property, an' he wuz "mad".
"It gives me pain," he interjects, "to squash yer glowin' dream,
But you wuz fools when you got in on this here `Hirsute' scheme.
You'll never raise a hair on me," when lo! that very night,
Preparin' to retire he got a most onpleasant fright:
For on that shinin' dome of his, so prominently bare,
He felt the baby outcrop of a second growth of hair.

A thousand dollars! Sufferin' Caesar! Well, it must be saved!
He grabbed his razor recklesslike, an' shaved an' shaved an' shaved.
An' when his head was smooth again he gives a mighty sigh,
An' sneaks away, an' buys some Hair Destroyer on the sly.
So there wuz Missis Jenkins with "Restorer" wagin' fight,
An' Chewed-ear with "Destroyer" circumventin' her at night.
The battle wuz a mighty one; his nerves wuz on the strain,
An' yet in spite of all he did that hair began to gain.

The situation grew intense, so quietly one day,
He gave his share-holders the slip, an' made his get-a-way.
Jest like a criminal he skipped, an' aimed to defalcate
The Chewed-ear Jenkins Hirsute Propagation Syndicate.
His guilty secret burned him, an' he sought the city's din:
"I've got to get a wig," sez he, "to cover up my sin.
It's growin', growin' night an' day; it's most amazin' hair";
An' when he looked at it that night, he shuddered with despair.
He shuddered an' suppressed a cry at what his optics seen --
For on my word of honour, boys, that hair wuz growin' green.

At first he guessed he'd get some dye, an' try to dye it black;
An' then he saw 'twas Nemmysis wuz layin' on his track.
He must jest face the music, an' confess the thing he done,
An' pay the boys an' Guinneyveer the money they had won.
An' then there came a big idee -- it thrilled him like a shock:
Why not control the Syndicate by buyin' up the Stock?

An' so next day he hurried back with smoothly shaven pate,
An' for a hundred dollars he bought up the Syndicate.
'Twas mighty frenzied finance an' the boys set up a roar,
But "Hirsutes" from the market wuz withdrawn for evermore.
An' to this day in Nuggetsville they tell the tale how slick
The Syndicate sold out too soon, and Chewed-ear turned the trick.

Editor 1 Interpretation

The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear: A Literary Criticism and Interpretation

Have you ever read a poem that made you laugh out loud and then ponder its deeper meaning at the same time? Well, Robert Service's "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" is one of those timeless poems. Published in 1910, this poem tells the story of a cowboy named Chewed-Ear who, just as the title suggests, is bald. It may sound like a simple, humorous tale, but there is a lot more to it than meets the eye.

Overview of the Poem

Before diving into the interpretation of the poem, let's first examine its structure and form. "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" consists of six stanzas, each with four lines. The rhyme scheme is AABB, meaning the first and second lines rhyme with each other, and the third and fourth lines rhyme with each other. The rhythm is consistent, creating a steady flow that adds to the poem's humor and accessibility.

As for the content, the poem follows the life of Chewed-Ear, a cowboy who is bald due to his habit of rubbing his head on his horse's mane. The other cowboys on the ranch tease him relentlessly, but Chewed-Ear remains unfazed. One day, a group of Native Americans visit the ranch, and Chewed-Ear is mistaken for a Native American because of his bald head. The poem ends with Chewed-Ear proudly proclaiming his newfound identity and acceptance.

The Humor of the Poem

One cannot discuss "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" without addressing its humor. Robert Service has a talent for using humor to make a deeper point. The poem's humor comes from the absurdity of Chewed-Ear's baldness and the cowboys' reactions to it. The cowboys' teasing is playful but persistent, and it is clear that Chewed-Ear is the butt of their jokes. However, Chewed-Ear remains unbothered, which is what makes the situation so funny.

The humor of the poem also comes from the playful language that Service uses. For example, when describing Chewed-Ear, Service writes, "His scalp was like a lizard's back, / He had a leather ear." The imagery is vivid and absurd, which adds to the poem's overall lightheartedness. Additionally, the repetition of "bald" and "rubbed" creates a comical rhythm that is impossible not to smile at.

The Deeper Meaning of the Poem

While "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" is undoubtedly a humorous poem, there is a deeper meaning to it as well. The poem can be read as a commentary on identity and the need for acceptance. Chewed-Ear is teased for his baldness, but he remains proudly himself. However, when he is mistaken for a Native American, he finds a new identity that he embraces just as proudly. The poem ends with Chewed-Ear stating, "And now I'm proud, yes, durned proud, / Of being bald, you hear."

This ending shows that Chewed-Ear's newfound identity has given him a sense of pride and belonging that he did not have before. It also shows that identity is a fluid concept that can change based on one's surroundings and experiences. Chewed-Ear's acceptance of his baldness and his new identity is a lesson that we can all learn from. We should embrace who we are and not let others dictate our sense of self.

The Significance of the Title

Finally, the poem's title, "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear," is significant in its own right. The title is a bit of a mouthful, but it accurately describes the poem's content. The use of "baldness" and "chewed-ear" in the title sets up the poem's humorous tone, while also foreshadowing Chewed-Ear's mistaken identity as a Native American. The title is a perfect encapsulation of what the poem is about, and it is a testament to Robert Service's skill as a wordsmith.

Conclusion

In conclusion, "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" is a poem that is both humorous and meaningful. Robert Service uses humor to explore deeper themes of identity and acceptance. The poem's structure and language are lighthearted and accessible, making it a joy to read. Whether you are looking for a good laugh or a thoughtful exploration of identity, "The Baldness of Chewed-Ear" has something for everyone.

Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation

The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear: A Poem That Will Leave You in Awe

Robert Service, the renowned poet, has left an indelible mark on the world of literature with his exceptional works. One of his most celebrated poems is "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear," a masterpiece that has stood the test of time. This poem is a perfect example of Service's ability to create vivid imagery and convey deep emotions through his words. In this article, we will take a closer look at this classic poem and explore its meaning and significance.

The poem tells the story of a dog named Chewed-Ear, who is a symbol of loyalty and devotion. Chewed-Ear is a stray dog who has been wandering the streets for a long time, surviving on scraps and the kindness of strangers. Despite his rough exterior, Chewed-Ear is a gentle soul who has a heart of gold. He is fiercely loyal to his master, a man who has taken him in and given him a home.

The poem begins with a description of Chewed-Ear's appearance. Service paints a vivid picture of the dog's battered and bruised body, with his chewed ear being the most prominent feature. The ear is a symbol of the dog's resilience and determination to survive in a harsh world. Despite the hardships he has faced, Chewed-Ear remains steadfast and loyal to his master.

As the poem progresses, we see the bond between Chewed-Ear and his master grow stronger. The dog becomes a constant companion to his master, following him wherever he goes. He is always by his side, ready to protect him from any danger. The loyalty and devotion of Chewed-Ear are a testament to the power of love and the unbreakable bond between a man and his dog.

The poem takes a dark turn when Chewed-Ear's master falls ill. The dog is devastated by the news and refuses to leave his master's side. He spends his days and nights by the sick man's bed, hoping and praying for his recovery. The love and devotion of Chewed-Ear are truly heart-wrenching, and the reader cannot help but feel a deep sense of empathy for the dog.

The climax of the poem comes when Chewed-Ear's master passes away. The dog is inconsolable, and his grief is palpable. He refuses to leave his master's side, even after he has passed away. The image of Chewed-Ear lying next to his master's lifeless body is a powerful one, and it speaks to the deep bond between a man and his dog.

The poem ends with a poignant message about the power of love and loyalty. Service reminds us that even in the darkest of times, there is always hope. Chewed-Ear's unwavering loyalty and devotion to his master are a testament to the power of love and the unbreakable bond between a man and his dog.

In conclusion, "The Baldness Of Chewed-Ear" is a masterpiece that will leave you in awe. Robert Service's ability to create vivid imagery and convey deep emotions through his words is truly remarkable. The poem is a testament to the power of love and the unbreakable bond between a man and his dog. It is a must-read for anyone who loves poetry and wants to experience the full range of human emotions.

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