'I, I, I' by Hayden Carruth
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First, the self. Then, the observing self.
The self that acts and the self that watches. This
The starting point, the place where the mind begins,
Whether the mind of an individual or
The mind of a species. When I was a boy
I struggled to understand. For if I know
The self that watches, another watching self
Must see the watcher, then another watching that,
Another and another, and where does it end?
So my mother sent me to the barber shop,
My first time, to get my hair "cut for a part"
(Instead of the dutch boy she'd always given me),
As I was instructed to tell the barber. She
Dispatched me on my own because the shop,
Which had a pool table in the back, in that
Small town was the men's club, and no woman
Would venture there. Was it my first excursion
On my own into the world? Perhaps. I sat
In the big chair. The wall behind me held
A huge mirror, and so did the one in front,
So that I saw my own small strange blond head
With its oriental eyes and turned up nose repeated
In ever diminishing images, one behind
Another behind another, and I tried
To peer farther and farther into the succession
To see the farthest one, diminutive in
The shadows. I could not. I sat rigid
And said no word. The fat barber snipped
My hair and blew his brusque breath on my nape
And finally whisked away his sheet, and I
climbed down. I ran from that cave of mirrors
A mile and a half to home, to my own room
Up under the eaves, which was another cave.
It had no mirrors. I no longer needed mirrors.
Editor 1 Interpretation
"I, I, I" by Hayden Carruth
Are you ready to dive deep into the complex layers of Hayden Carruth's poem "I, I, I"? This classic piece of literature written in 1966 is a stunning example of confessional poetry, where the poet shares his personal experiences and emotions through his work.
Let's start with the title itself. "I, I, I" is a powerful repetition of the first person singular pronoun, emphasizing the speaker's self-awareness and introspection. The three "I's" also suggest a sense of fragmentation, as if the speaker is trying to piece together different aspects of his identity.
As we delve deeper into the poem, we see Carruth grappling with themes of mortality, memory, and identity. The opening lines set the tone for the rest of the poem:
I have never been able to touch the world and I will never touch the world
These lines immediately establish a sense of distance and isolation from the world around the speaker. The repetition of "never" highlights a sense of finality and resignation, as if the speaker has come to accept his inability to fully connect with the world.
The next stanza delves into the speaker's memories:
I remember the rocks and the grass and the woods as they were when I was a boy and I remember the stars and the moon and the sun and the planets as they are now and as they were then
Here, the speaker juxtaposes his childhood memories with his present-day observations of the natural world. The use of "I remember" suggests a longing for the past, as if the speaker is trying to recapture a lost sense of innocence and wonder.
As the poem progresses, the speaker reflects on his own mortality:
I know I will die soon and I am happy to die and I am sad to die and I am afraid to die
These lines capture the complex range of emotions that come with the knowledge of one's own mortality. The use of "and" instead of "but" suggests that these feelings coexist within the speaker, rather than being mutually exclusive.
The final lines of the poem are a powerful reflection on the speaker's own identity:
I am the one who sits alone in a dark room and I am the one who sits alone in a bright room and I am the one who walks alone among people
Here, the repetition of "I am the one" emphasizes the speaker's individuality and sense of self. The use of "alone" suggests a sense of isolation, but also a sense of strength and independence.
Overall, "I, I, I" is a deeply introspective and reflective poem that explores themes of mortality, memory, and identity. Carruth's use of repetition and imagery creates a powerful sense of isolation and introspection, while also capturing the complexities of the human experience.
So, what do you think of "I, I, I"? Did you find it as powerful and thought-provoking as I did? Let me know in the comments below!
Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation
I, I, I: A Deep Dive into Hayden Carruth's Classic Poem
Hayden Carruth's poem "I, I, I" is a masterpiece of introspection and self-examination. It is a deeply personal and emotional work that explores the complexities of the human psyche and the struggle to find meaning and purpose in life. In this article, we will take a closer look at this classic poem and analyze its themes, structure, and language.
The poem begins with the repetition of the word "I" three times, which immediately draws the reader's attention to the speaker's sense of self. The use of repetition is a powerful literary device that emphasizes the speaker's preoccupation with his own identity and his desire to understand himself. The first line sets the tone for the rest of the poem, which is a journey of self-discovery and self-reflection.
The second line of the poem, "I am the self-consumer of my woes," is a powerful statement that encapsulates the speaker's sense of responsibility for his own suffering. The phrase "self-consumer" suggests that the speaker is consuming himself, that he is the cause of his own pain. This line is a reflection of the human tendency to blame oneself for one's problems, even when they are caused by external factors.
The third line of the poem, "They rise and vanish in oblivious host," is a continuation of the second line and suggests that the speaker's woes are fleeting and transitory. The phrase "oblivious host" suggests that the speaker is not aware of the source of his problems, that they are beyond his control. This line is a reminder that life is full of ups and downs, and that our problems are often temporary.
The fourth line of the poem, "Like shadows in love's frenzied stifled throes," is a metaphor that compares the speaker's woes to shadows in a frenzied, stifled love affair. The use of the word "love" suggests that the speaker's woes are intimately connected to his emotions and his relationships with others. The phrase "stifled throes" suggests that the speaker's emotions are intense and overwhelming, but that he is unable to express them fully.
The fifth line of the poem, "And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed," is a statement of resilience and determination. The phrase "like vapours tossed" suggests that the speaker is being buffeted by the winds of life, but that he is still standing. This line is a reminder that even in the face of adversity, we can find the strength to persevere.
The sixth line of the poem, "Into the nothingness of scorn and noise," is a reflection of the speaker's sense of isolation and alienation. The phrase "nothingness of scorn and noise" suggests that the speaker feels disconnected from the world around him, that he is surrounded by meaningless noise and empty criticism. This line is a reminder that the human experience can be lonely and isolating, but that we can find meaning and purpose in our own lives.
The seventh line of the poem, "Into the living sea of waking dreams," is a metaphor that suggests that the speaker is immersed in a sea of dreams and possibilities. The phrase "living sea" suggests that the speaker is alive and vibrant, and that he is surrounded by endless opportunities for growth and self-discovery. This line is a reminder that life is full of possibilities, and that we can find meaning and purpose in our own lives.
The eighth line of the poem, "Where there is neither sense of life nor joys," is a reflection of the speaker's sense of despair and hopelessness. The phrase "neither sense of life nor joys" suggests that the speaker feels disconnected from the world around him, that he is unable to find joy or meaning in his own life. This line is a reminder that the human experience can be difficult and painful, but that we can find hope and meaning in our own lives.
The ninth line of the poem, "But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems," is a metaphor that compares the speaker's life to a shipwreck. The phrase "vast shipwreck" suggests that the speaker's life has been shattered, that he has lost everything that he once held dear. This line is a reminder that life can be unpredictable and that we must be prepared to face adversity.
The tenth line of the poem, "Holds all the creeds and gods I ever loved," is a statement of acceptance and reconciliation. The phrase "creeds and gods" suggests that the speaker has come to terms with his own beliefs and values, that he has accepted the things that are important to him. This line is a reminder that we must be true to ourselves and our own beliefs, even in the face of adversity.
The eleventh line of the poem, "And who shall say which one was most alive?" is a question that challenges the reader to consider the nature of life and what it means to be alive. The phrase "most alive" suggests that the speaker is questioning the value of life and what it means to truly live. This line is a reminder that life is a complex and multifaceted experience, and that we must be open to new ideas and perspectives.
The twelfth and final line of the poem, "I know not what they mean, but I have heard them say," is a statement of humility and uncertainty. The phrase "I know not what they mean" suggests that the speaker is unsure of the meaning of life and the things that he has heard others say. This line is a reminder that we must be humble and open to new ideas, and that we must be willing to learn from others.
In conclusion, Hayden Carruth's poem "I, I, I" is a powerful work that explores the complexities of the human psyche and the struggle to find meaning and purpose in life. The poem is a journey of self-discovery and self-reflection, and it challenges the reader to consider the nature of life and what it means to be alive. The use of repetition, metaphor, and imagery creates a powerful and emotional work that resonates with readers of all ages and backgrounds.
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