'I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am' by Regina Derieva

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I don't feel at home where I am,
or where I spend time; only where,
beyond counting, there's freedom and calm,
that is, waves, that is, space where, when there,
you consist of pure freedom, which, seen,
turns that Gorgon, the crowd, to stone,
to pebbles and sand . . . where life's mean-
ing lies buried, that never let one
come within cannon shot yet.
From cloud-covered wells untold
pour color and light, a fete
of cupids and Ledas in gold.
That is, silk and honey and sheen.
That is, boon and quiver and call.
That is, all that lives to be free,
needing no words at all.



Translated by Alan Shaw


Anonymous submission.

Editor 1 Interpretation

I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am - A Masterpiece by Regina Derieva

If you have ever felt like you do not belong in your own skin or in your surroundings, then you will instantly relate to the classic poem "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" written by Regina Derieva. This poem is a powerful and poignant expression of a deep sense of alienation and displacement, which is a common human experience that is often hard to articulate in words. In this literary criticism and interpretation, we will explore the themes, symbols, and literary devices used by the author to create a powerful and evocative poem that speaks to the heart and soul of our human condition.

Summary of the Poem

At its core, "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" is a poem about the existential angst and sense of displacement that many people feel in their lives. The poem opens with a powerful image of a person standing on the edge of a cliff, looking out into the abyss. The speaker describes the feeling of being lost and disconnected from reality, not knowing where to turn or what to do. The speaker's sense of isolation and disconnection is so profound that they feel as though they are "a stranger to the very air."

Throughout the poem, the speaker uses a variety of symbols and metaphors to express their feelings of alienation and dislocation. For example, the speaker compares themselves to a "bird without a nest", a "ship without a harbor", and a "snake without a skin". These powerful images convey a sense of rootlessness and an absence of a stable identity, which is a common theme in existential literature.

Despite the sense of despair and confusion that permeates the poem, there is a glimmer of hope towards the end. The speaker expresses a desire to find a place where they can truly belong, where they can feel at home in their own skin. This desire is expressed through the metaphor of a "seed that longs to be buried in the earth", which represents the speaker's yearning for connection and rootedness.

Themes

The themes of "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" are universal and timeless. At its core, the poem is about the human experience of alienation and displacement, which is a common theme in existential literature. The poem explores the following themes:

Existential Angst

The poem is a powerful expression of the existential angst that is a central theme in existential literature. The speaker is grappling with fundamental questions about the purpose and meaning of their existence, and they feel lost and disconnected from the world around them.

Displacement and Rootlessness

The poem is also about the experience of displacement and rootlessness, which is a common theme in postcolonial literature. The speaker feels like a stranger in their own skin and in their surroundings, and they long to find a place where they can truly belong.

Identity and Selfhood

The poem also explores the theme of identity and selfhood, which is a central concern in modernist literature. The speaker is struggling to define their own sense of self and to find a stable identity in a world that is constantly changing and in flux.

Literary Devices

Regina Derieva uses a variety of literary devices to create a powerful and evocative poem that speaks to the human soul. Some of the most notable literary devices used in "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" include:

Metaphor

The poem is full of powerful metaphors that convey the speaker's sense of alienation and dislocation. For example, the speaker compares themselves to a "bird without a nest", a "ship without a harbor", and a "snake without a skin". These metaphors create vivid and memorable images that help to convey the emotional depth of the poem.

Symbolism

Derieva also uses symbolism to great effect in the poem. For example, the image of the speaker standing on the edge of a cliff looking out into the abyss is a powerful symbol of the human condition, representing the sense of existential angst and uncertainty that is a common experience for many people.

Imagery

The poem is full of rich and evocative imagery that helps to immerse the reader in the speaker's world. For example, the description of the speaker feeling "like a stranger to the very air" creates a vivid and powerful image that conveys the depth of the speaker's sense of dislocation and alienation.

Repetition

Derieva also uses repetition to great effect in the poem. The repeated use of the phrase "I don't feel at home where I am" creates a powerful and memorable refrain that reinforces the central theme of the poem.

Interpretation

At its core, "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" is a powerful and evocative poem that speaks to the human soul. The poem is a powerful expression of the sense of alienation and dislocation that is a common experience for many people. The speaker is wrestling with fundamental questions about the purpose and meaning of their existence, and they feel lost and disconnected from the world around them.

One of the most powerful aspects of the poem is the use of metaphor and symbolism to convey the speaker's sense of dislocation and rootlessness. For example, the speaker compares themselves to a "bird without a nest", a "ship without a harbor", and a "snake without a skin". These powerful images create a vivid and memorable picture of the speaker's experience and help to convey the emotional depth of the poem.

Despite the sense of despair and confusion that permeates the poem, there is also a glimmer of hope towards the end. The speaker expresses a desire to find a place where they can truly belong, where they can feel at home in their own skin. This desire is expressed through the metaphor of a "seed that longs to be buried in the earth", which represents the speaker's yearning for connection and rootedness.

Overall, "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" is a masterpiece of existential literature. It is a powerful and evocative poem that speaks to the human condition in a profound and meaningful way. Whether you have ever felt a sense of alienation and dislocation or not, this poem is sure to resonate with you on a deep and fundamental level. It is a testament to the power of poetry to capture the essence of the human experience and to connect us to each other in the most profound and meaningful ways.

Editor 2 Analysis and Explanation

I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am: A Poem of Displacement and Longing

Regina Derieva's poem "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" is a haunting exploration of the human experience of displacement and longing. Through vivid imagery and a powerful use of language, Derieva captures the sense of dislocation and alienation that can arise when we find ourselves in a place that does not feel like home.

At its heart, the poem is a meditation on the idea of home. What does it mean to feel at home? Is it a physical place, a set of familiar surroundings that we know and love? Or is it something more intangible, a sense of belonging and connection that we carry with us wherever we go?

Derieva's poem suggests that home is both of these things, and more. It is a place where we feel safe and secure, where we can be ourselves without fear of judgment or rejection. But it is also a state of mind, a feeling of being rooted and connected to something larger than ourselves.

The poem begins with a stark image of a tree, "rootless and homeless," standing alone in a barren landscape. This image sets the tone for the rest of the poem, which is characterized by a sense of isolation and disconnection. The speaker of the poem is clearly struggling to find her place in the world, to feel at home in a world that seems hostile and indifferent.

As the poem progresses, the speaker's sense of displacement becomes more acute. She describes herself as a "stranger in my own skin," a powerful image that captures the sense of alienation that can arise when we feel disconnected from our own bodies and emotions. She longs for a sense of belonging, for a place where she can feel at home and at peace.

But the poem is not just a lament for what has been lost. It is also a celebration of the human spirit, of our capacity to endure and overcome even the most difficult circumstances. The speaker of the poem may feel lost and alone, but she is also resilient and determined. She refuses to give up, to accept her displacement as a permanent state of being.

In the final stanza of the poem, the speaker declares that she will "build a home in the air." This is a powerful image, one that suggests that home is not just a physical place, but a state of mind. It is something that we can create for ourselves, even in the most inhospitable of environments.

Overall, "I Don't Feel At Home Where I Am" is a deeply moving and thought-provoking poem. It speaks to the universal human experience of displacement and longing, and reminds us of the power of the human spirit to endure and overcome even the most difficult circumstances. Derieva's use of language and imagery is masterful, and her message is one that will resonate with readers for years to come.

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